27 June 2006

A Rollercoaster Ride

I'm still hanging in here and am at least getting caught up on stuff so I can do art tomorrow. But it's not easy. I don't just wake up one morning and find that I'm over my depressiong. It's more like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. And the steps can be measured in minutes, hours, or days. Today they were measured in 2 hour chunks.

Here's the scenario. I get up and do my morning stuff (feed cats, do tai chi, water plants, eat,...) and things seem fine. Since it's going to be hot, I go in to town early to buy cat food. I get home, eat lunch, and then BLAH happens. Suddenly, my upbeat mood goes down the tube and I feel exhausted beyond belief. The question is what happened. And I don't have a clue. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was that I forgot a couple of things in the grocery store (forgot to take my shopping list), or maybe it was the position of Venus with respect to the 3 moon of Jupiter or something. So for the next couple of hours, I'm down again. Then I go get the mail and there's a small package for me. I called L.N. who sent me the present and we had a wonderful chat, so now I'm feeling better again.

What will tomorrow be like? I don't know. Probably some up's and fewer down's (hopefully).

The scary part is that I need to get back to doing art. I have missed doing it while I've been depressed, but I also know that if I do stuff while feeling like I did, that I would have just wasted time and supplies. So now I'm faced with the proposition of doing art. I know that sounds easy, and for some it is, but for me, when I have long breaks off from doing art, it's hard to get back into the rhythm of doing it. Thankfully, I have a couple cat sketches to do as a warm up and a botanical watercolor to paint which should be easier to do than a portrait.

Right now, I'll finish sketching out a balloonflower (the botanical watercolor) while listening to my new Dixie Chicks CD. I especially love the line "Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should."

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